Well its 9:39 am and I actually got to feed Ashley this morning. She was happy, lets hope she keeps it down. Tony slept with Ashley on her bed while I slept in the pull out - my first time ever NOT sleeping with her. I think she did better sleeping with Tony than with me. I got about 6 hours of sleep... I think Tony got 1 hour... maybe less.
Sometimes I look at her with all those cords going into her body and I think about my poor little baby. She shouldn't have to have this happen to her, she's so little. Then I wonder what life will be like. Will future tumors come up, will this spread, will I always be worried. Will life ever be normal. I try and take comfort in that life will be normal... a new normal. Life will simply be a new definition of normal. I'm always going to wonder if any tumors are in there again. I'm always going to wonder how long her life will be. I'm always going to wonder about the future. I guess that's part of my new normal. Then I wonder... Will she ever wear a bikini? HA HA!
What will chemo be like? She doens't have much hair to loose at least. Will she swell, will people be scared to look at her or will people have that sorrow look on their faces as they glance at her ravaged body. Okay... I'll get ahold of my self now... I'm trying to take this one day at a time. Sometimes its one minute at a time. -- April