Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Sometimes its just hard

Ashley went in this morning for surgery to get what they call a Port-a-cath. It is a catheter that is under her skin and will be used for blood draws and delivering the chemo.
The last five days or so have been pretty great. She became herself again. Dancing, walking, watching Elmo, eating. Everyone is happy when she is happy.
We thought that we would not have to do an overnight here. Overnights are junk. No sleep, no privacy, vitals every couple of hours. Junk. We are here for an overnight though.
They are mixing her chemo right now and will start to deliver it at around 4:00 pm. They give you this book about taking care of a child going through chemo. They tell you that when you change her diapers you have to wear gloves because the urine and poop are so toxic. If she vomits you must wash it off as fast as you can. The sheets and clothing must be prewashed separately from the rest of the laundry. It is that toxic. They give you precautions if the vomit gets in your eyes or skin.

The thing that just breaks my heart is they are pumping this into her blood. When she wakes up from her anethesia she sounds like a walrus when she cries. It crushed me today. I know that we got over some big hurdles already but watching a 16 mos old go through this is tough on both of us.

Ashley seems to be doing ok considering. She gets on with her life without any anxiety. We are trying to also.



Crystal said...

Oh, the poor little thing. I can understand how this part must be so hard to go through. Just remember that it's healing her, no matter how awful it seems. Hang in there tonight, and we'll hope to hear that you're back home soon.

Andrea said...

Oh, that is so hard! I can't quite grasp what it must be like to watch your child go through this. Stay strong. The drugs sound so toxic, but hopefully they do their job and totally wipe out what they're supposed to while at the same time, leaving her healthy organs alone. Hopefully you'll be home & Ashley will be happy again very soon.